I lived in a dorm with private rooms, but social kitchen. When I stayed in my room I felt bad, since I could be in the kitchen socialising with other people.
When I moved out of the dorm to my own apartment I completely stopped agonising about having to spend time with people, and could just relax alone at home. It was a great relief.
i have declined an invitation to attend a family reunion this weekend, a function i have previously attended for years.
i am already feeling the FOMO and boredom and disappointment of relatives. but on the other hand, i am honoring my commitment to my mental health.
… going down both sides of this cycle, and I damned reunion hasn’t even started yet.
It is kinda weird seeing someone with a similar method of thinking as me for this kind of scenario. My family wants me to go to the family parties, but I for the life of me have absolutely no desire to do so. They are good people and I have no qualms with them, but I have no desire to see them outside of an occasional small interaction.
Am I alone with that thought process? It feels like I am.
There was a party?
Dealing with the duality of wanting to spend time with the people I like and wanting to be alone is such a struggle. Everyone knows I have anxiety, I’m very open about so if I’m ready to leave I just do. For me if feels like there is so much noise in my head that I start feeling panicked.
Are you into anime? If you do, i recommend to watch Mushishi.
For me, there is grief in having to explain to others why I don’t want to go.
I feel attacked
