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The original was posted on /r/truscum by /u/romi_la_keh on 2024-09-29 16:10:54+00:00.

Lately I’ve been feeling like shit because of dysphoria, and because of the fact that I’m trans. I’m feeling very depressed, it’s like I will never get where I want to be, I never feel manly enough. I know cis men have those feeling too, but I still don’t have top surgery, and I’m a few years far from getting bottom surgery. Dysphoria is getting worse and worse, and I feel so bad too for it. Like, there is so much worse in life, some people and children are literally living and dying during war and I’m here crying because I have boobs or don’t have a penis. It’s a bit pathetic when I’m thinking about it.

Also, sometimes even as a leftist, I’m thinking that maybe people like Buck Angel are right when they’re saying we’re biologically female and always be. Usually I don’t agree with them, but today I’m thinking that maybe they’re right. Even after two years on T I’m still getting misgendered. I went today to get coffee with my lovely fiancee and the waiter kept calling us “ladies”. My partner didn’t say anything because I told her not to, sometimes it’s even worse when we’re making a big deal of it, but idk it crushed my soul somehow. I will always be seen as a woman, no matter what I’m doing, so maybe it’s maybe because I will always be a woman. In the same way my mother is very complicated to understand. She fully supports me with my transition (she even want to help me pay for top surgery), she uses he/him pronouns, call me her son etc, but she said that even if she believes I’m a man in my heart, and that my soul/spirit is male (she believes in energies, is very spiritual etc), she also think that my body will always be female, no matter what I do. She said it 2 years ago, just before I started testosterone, so maybe her opinion changed, we didn’t talk about it since (she seems much more accepting now, idk), but it’s like it’s engraved in my mind, I can’t help it.

Anyway, I know my post is a bit boring and all but I just needed to tell someone about it. I’m feeling very sad and the pain is excruciating sometimes. I wish with every fiber of my being that the universe did not made me born like this.