Image description: 4 panel comic titled If Trans People Said the Things Cis People Tell Them.
Panel one has an androgynous individual talking to a woman. The androgynous individual, “To me, you are 100% a girl, you know?” The woman has a look of confusion and disgust and responds with, “Wow, thanks.”
Panel two has the same androgynous individual speaking with a man. The androgynous individual is saying, “It’s so incredibly you look just like an actual boy!” The man is rubbing the back of his head in nervous confusion and says, “Yeah, I… am one?”
Panel three has the androgynous individual speaking with someone of ambiguous gender. The androgynous individual says, “I would never have guessed you were cis! Congratulations!” The other person is looking at them with an expression of confusion and concern.
Panel four has the androgynous individual speaking to a man. The androgynous individual says, “I think you are so brave for being who you are.” The man is frowning at them.
The comic is credited to @assignedmale on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and SophieLabelledraws on YouTube. Their merch is at assignedmale.etsy.com and Pateron is at patreon.com/sophielabelle
Ally question, is it actually offensive to consider someone brave for coming out as trans? Feels like that takes alot of courage.
No but there’s a couple subtlies here. If you are calling someone brave, the context is important. It can come off as condescending. Also coming out isn’t an all or nothing thing, see here.
Also in this comic they aren’t saying they are brave for coming out. They are saying they are brave for being cis. The underlying assumption there being that being cis or trans is a choice that one can be brave for.
Following that assumption path, ugh. That’s some bullshit.
I definitely don’t think being trans or non trans is a choice. It’s a part of who that person is and I want to support that.
Didn’t know coming out was a spectrum but it kinda makes sense. That being said, I still think it’s brave to step on any part of that spectrum as a trans person because that can cause so much upheaval in their life. Making that statement in any capacity is an act of bravery.
(sorry I really don’t like the word cisgender, I can’t explain it beyond it’s an emotional reaction akin to nails on a chalkboard)
I hate hearing it’s brave though. It shouldn’t be. It really shouldn’t be and every time I hear it I’m merely reminded that the person saying it exists in a world where they can see that transphobia but they do nothing about it. It’s almost like saying “wow you’re gay/trans? I’m too much of a coward to do anything that would ever make the world better for people like you.” It’s platitude and more telling on yourself than anything.
Let’s set aside the transphobia call out for a moment, cause that’s a slap in my face and I do t think it’s what you’re intending.
My intention by saying brave is this.
If you are what your body is expressed as, then life is fairly smooth sailing.
But if you aren’t, first you have to identify that which can be a difficult process. After identification of your gender, next you have to take a step and tell someone. That actually of speaking is bravery to me because admitting something like that to a parent or a loved one is difficult.
“Mom dad. I’m a boy or girl or gay or bi or Jew or muslim or atheist.”
No matter what the I am is and no matter how accepting your parent is, if it’s different from their experiences you have to contend with fear of disappointing them, of them rejecting it and not accepting you as you. It doesn’t matter if it’s trans gay bi or religious. It’s different and they are supposed to be your family.
Telling some of the closest people ‘im different from you’ takes chutzpah.
You’re welcome to call me transphobic all you want but I’ll applaude someone who took those steps and I’ll tell you to fuck off for insulting me trying to support you.
As for calling me a coward for not fighting transphobia, you’re welcome to shut the fuck up. I’m a Jew. Born and proud. If I don’t stand up for you every way I can think of then I could not possibly ask you to stand for me when the Nazis come hunting me down.
Maybe you didn’t intend it that way, but for conversation sake, try asking first.
“sorry I really don’t like the word cisgender, I can’t explain it beyond it’s an emotional reaction akin to nails on a chalkboard)”
What would you rather be used?When I think of something I’ll let you know. For now I just accept that I’ll hear it and I’ll say nontrans.
Totally valid
Maybe Greek instead of Latin? I think that would be homogender instead of cisgender and heterogender instead of transgender.
Won’t lie, I’m digging homogender. No reason we can’t use homogender as a synonym for cisgender.
It’ll piss off the transphobic assholes by making the really stupid ones think we’re calling them gay.
That was the exact reason I posted it (I cannot take credit for the idea, that I got from TikTok ). I personally am a cisgender straight white male, that said, I have no issue being called homogender.
Didn’t know coming out was a spectrum but it kinda makes sense.
I work with some high school kids, one of the students is out and open with her friends but her conservative catholic family has no idea and is anti gay. So she hides it from them.
I was wondering if the spectrum was “various groups the person is ‘out’ to”
Thank you for clarifying that!
It’s kinda like calling a cancer patient brave. Like yeah, this shit’s rough, but holy hell the alternative is not good. At least that’s what my mom and I agreed when I was just starting transitioning and she was going through chemo. Both of us got called brave a lot
I get that, I do.
That being said, I still think it is brave because of the society we live in. I do my best to support my trans friends and new friends. I’ll gladly walk up to a transphobic person and deck them in the face.
No one takes me up on that offer, but the point remains I do what I can to make the world a better place to be trans, sadly the world isn’t. To be willing to be yourself in a world that hates it? That’s bravery to me.
Take it from a loud and proud Jew with a resurregence of Nazism. Like it or not, walking around with a target on your back is an act of bravery and defiance.
Take it from a loud and proud Jew with a resurregence of Nazism
I guess the comparison is, how would you feel if people came up to you and said “You’re so brave” because you’re Jewish? And even if you’d be ok with that, is the same true for everyone in the Jewish community? If you know people that wouldn’t be comfortable with it, can you understand why? If so, you get why most trans people find it uncomfortable when you do it to them
I don’t like the comic for the lack of context. People who do difficult things need support.
For instance, I’m a minority gender in my career and every conference has people who randomly tell me how brave I am for bring born with a specific set of chromosomes - that’s annoying.
However, when I bitch to my peers about the biases and difficulties I encounter - I want my friends to validate my struggle.
Yes. It took a lot more bravery to like… realize and admit (to myself) that I was trans. Coming out of the closet, in my life, is more of a formality for the cis hetero people in my life. I don’t really wanna talk about my gender and sexuality to everyone in my life, and afirrm that I am dressing this way and doing this because I’m trans. It’s begging for acceptance. I resent the whole thing. When I was a teenager and tried to come out, that was brave. So, some queer people coming out could delight in being told how brave they are.
Most of this pain is inflicted by cis people, and I want even the friendly civil liberals to feel an ounce of the discomfort I have felt.
@BiNonBi. people saying supportive things. how refreshing. don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. and don’t expect any people, on any topic, to always say exactly what yu’d like them to. it won’t happen. i can guarantee it.
Is it bad that I wish someone would say “I never would have guessed you were trans” after I come out to them or drop my voice? I need validation on being stealth.
Nope. But it might get old the nth time or if you didn’t do something you think should of outed you.
It’s kind of the paradox of being stealth. If you are successful no one notices. So you don’t get feedback that you are successful.
So you don’t get feedback that you are successful.
You do. The trans people you see in the community look right past you. For me at least, it means I’m often invisible to the people I want to be hyper visible to.
Pins, clothing, jewelry can bring that back.
Yes and no. I have died purple hair, an estrogen tattoo on my arm, a trans flag necklace, and shoes with one set of pride laces and one set of trans flag laces.
They’re all really helpful after someone is already talking to me for some reason, but they’re not much good for those moments where you pass someone in the wild.
I’ve had this happen! Never realized that would be a hurtful situation.
I care little what cis society thinks of me and my appearance when they see me. I care a great deal about being visible to the gender diverse community though.
Yet when I speak to cis people and tell them I’m trans, they assume that I’m trying to keep my identity on the down low, and that I’m trying to look like them. And the gender diverse community often doesn’t even see me out in the wild, so the baby trans folk, the closeted folk, the folk who benefit from seeing other trans folk out there living their lives on their own terms, they see one less trans person.
And that adds up over time. I feel it like a slap to the face every time another trans person looks right past me without that moment of shared recognition.
Never thought of it like that. I’ve just been headstrong focused on being accepted by cis women. The only people that I’ve been with have been neurodivergent people or other trans people.
I hear about other people that transition in their teen years being fully accepted by cis women and it has me feeling like some “other” which I absolutely despise and has been my biggest, ultimate fear.I spent the early years of my transition chasing that. And I got to the point where I guess I could have it if I wanted, but those goals pre-dated my involvement in the queer community, and before I knew how important it would be to me.
And it wasn’t until I found that barrier between me and easy connection with my community that I realised just how much I valued it.
In my mind, I had thought that passing would let me control my own narrative in a way that I couldn’t when I didn’t pass. But it doesn’t. I still don’t have control over my narrative, and now, the narrative that people put on me is one that assumes I’m either cis or that I want to be cis, and I have to spend effort undoing that.
And of course, not everyone feels the same way about the queer community as I do. For some people, acceptance and ease of movement in cis society is more important to them. The issue for me though was, that I didn’t really know what was important to me, and made a lot of choices before I had the chance to really understand what I really value
I’m sorry, is saying to a trans person that they did a great job passing, rude? I thought it would be validating.
Yes, it’s rude, because of all of the things it implies. It assumes our goal is to hide our trans identity, as if that’s something we all want to do. It assumes that looking cis is better than looking trans, because otherwise it wouldn’t be a compliment.
In short, whilst it’s unlikely to hurt the person you’re saying it to, it sustains a lot of ideas assumptions that hurt all trans people
Thank you for asking, and the key is “you look good” (stop here and do not say “…for a trans person”).
If the shorter version of the compliment feels insincere to you, just don’t offer it.
Huh?
Removed by mod
I remember this artist getting a ton of unwarranted hate on reddit years ago, glad she’s doing okay. ☺️
![if things were reversed[¿cisphobia? satire]](https://i.imgur.com/yOgCEiD.png){kind=link}