This is something I’ve always struggled with and I think it’s put my daughter in a spot where she’s very reluctant to do anything by herself.
Don’t get me wrong, she plays well with others and her younger brother, but when he’s not available she basically just wants to play with me rather than going off on her own and playing by herself.
Now I don’t mind, but I wouldn’t mind a bit of…not playing time but also I’m worried it’s going to affect her going down the line.
Thoughts?
I found that when young they sometimes just need a some attention. If I was busy with something and one came to me wanting me to play with them, I’d say something like, “oh, I really need to do this but OK, let’s play for fifteen minutes and then I’ll go back to to my work.” Keep it positive like you want to play with them.
I might not even play for fifteen minutes if they are too young to tell time on their own. They often just need to be show that this person on whom they depend still cares to give them attention.
I’ve got three kids and it’s different for each of them. One wants constant attention and always wants to play with somebody else, one likes talking and occasionally wants to play, another is fine being off on their own for the most part and we play in rare spurts together. Sometimes they play with each other, sometimes it’s like I have to schedule out time with them because everybody wants my time. I do want them to find some kind of balance, as one of the jobs of parenthood is preparing these kids to one day be independent.
My son (6) has always struggled to play on his own, he’s always wanting to do something with me, which is lovely but obviously I’m not always available. I try and encourage him to do things on his own but he’ll complain there’s nothing to do and that he’s bored and tries to suggest we do something together when I can’t. Any time I suggest he does something on his own he gets really frustrated and gets into a bit of a strop.
My daughter (20months) has always seemed to be way more independent, she can easily play on her own and do her own thing for ages. She loves me reading to her but she’s content to look at books on her own or play with her toys. I can cook dinner for a while and she doesn’t nag or bother me at all.
It’s been really enlightening with our daughter as to how much hard work our eldest was, the constant need for attention and playing was exhausting where as with our youngest we can kind of take a step back for a bit.
How old is she?
Eldest just turned 6. Youngest just turned 2.
Ah, well in that case I wouldn’t worry personally. She’s still in the thick of the “look at me” / “I need your attention” stage.
What I might gently suggest is that if she’s doing it at a time that’s inconvenient for you, or that you feel is too often, try setting her up with an individual activity and setting a boundary by saying “I have to get the dinner ready now so I won’t have time to play with you for the next 30 minutes”. She probably has no clue how long 30 minutes is yet. :D
Something like drawing or painting is good as it doesn’t help to have you around so much or you’d be a downright hindrance. I’m sure there are others in that area too.
I found time spent playing alone has seen a gradual increase over the years. Once upon a time I could leave them alone for all of 15 seconds before the call of ‘daaaaaadeeeee’ came along. Nowadays they can manage over an hour by themeselves. I’m hoping this trend continues.
