Though I don’t think this terminology is used, this article is primarily about heteropessimism and it’s effects on relationships from both sides.
that patriarchy might ostensibly benefit men – even while poisoning them in a myriad of ways – but it is upheld by all genders, particularly within spaces like romantic partnership
With this quote I was reminded of many retellings of men in hetero relationship who still vividly remembered hurtful moments of being shamed when opening up and being vulnerable.
As the article states I would argue it’s wrong to assume that just one gender is at fault for the status quo, but that it is maintained by multiple actors.
And yes I’ve seen a lot of heteropessimism online and even partially irl but I think it’s breeding ground are „taking things for granted“ and just assuming what partners would like or want in relationships. Needs can be so diverse and deeply personal that I’d argue while there is possibility to feel safe in following a relationship script we have to dare to explore each other in our uniqueness and thereby also share ourselves authentically and that’s a forever journey.
Thank you for the nice read spaduf! (by the way is that a pun on the pokemon or am I nerding out?)
heteropessimism online and even partially irl but I think it’s breeding ground are „taking things for granted“ and just assuming what partners would like or want in relationships
I think a big part of this too is how these things originate through external gendered expectations (as in external to the relationship). A lot of the issues that inspire heteropessimism largely come from the older generation which very intensely internalized those not only those gendered expectations but this idea that those external expectations are universal enough to supersede a very basic conversation with their partner.
by the way is that a pun on the pokemon or am I nerding out?
Lol no just a fun short word that usually isn’t taken as a username.
As someone who was in an emotionally abusive relationship, I don’t think I can read this without getting triggered.
I think it’s important to remember that all women are capable of being victims and perpetrators, and all men are also capable. Abusers have no genders and can occur in non-cis relationships.
I understand this, I’ve definitely been meaning to post a discussion about how we should go about things like content warnings here.
EDIT: Just to be clear for anybody who may be worried from this exchange. This article is generally not about abuse in relationships.
A really nice article, but one I feel needs to go a step further.
From experience, and outside really abusive relationships, if a relationship fails there’s always blame enough for both parties. I takes two to mess up a tango.
It’s worrying that social media is pushing these black and white narratives rather than helping growth.
Removed by mod
Before we can have any nuanced discussions we need to agree on a fundamental principle that being a bad partner (male or female) is neither illegal nor abuse.
Some people are incompatible, some are immature, some have mental issues, etc.
The fact you felt neglected or insulted at certain times doesn’t make you a victim of anything (expect maybe your bad choices).
So, when we stop with the cancel culture where a woman is a victim because her boyfriend was mean to her one time 10 years ago and now this is reason to cancel him and ruin his life… then we can have all other discussions.
