I don’t know. I switch between being really angry at him for sending me that message in the middle of an episode and for almost crafting it on purpose to hit every fear he knows I have. But it’s important to know that not everything he wrote is bullshit. I can be really difficult to bear when I feel bad, I am prone to saying horrible things like that I’ll put myself into conversion therapy for being gay.

And I switch from anger to bargaining, thinking that there might be some proper combination of words I could say to him where he’ll take me back. But I don’t think so, the tone was very final. There wasn’t even a “good luck” it was just “I’ve had enough, goodbye.” He also made it clear that he believes there was no friendship between us for a long time and he was only tolerating me.

I really think there is nothing to salvage. And what kind of a relationship is that, anyway? Where I’m reduced to begging? Even if he would restart a relationship with me, that’s just a recipe for more resentment down the line.