So for those unfamiliar with the acronym, fear of missing out. I definitely used alcohol as a crutch for socialisation (autism, and when I drink, I don’t feel so autistic). I have been out to a pub / karoake night and successfully not drunk alcohol, twice so far.

When I think about the future and the idea of ‘never drinking alcohol again’ it makes me feel a little sad. I imagine all the fun nights out I used to have, that I won’t have anymore… I imagine sitting around sighing, twiddling my thumbs while everyone has raucous fun.

I don’t feel like these are unreasonable worries, so hoping for some insights to puncture them. My main weapon to fight back is to imagine how I feel the morning after (nauseous, pounding head, sweating) and how that day is wasted; then to remind myself that drinking kicks me into a manic phase, with inevitable week+ of depression to follow.

I used to know a guy called Brian, friend of the family… he was always the life and soul of every party despite being teetotal. Always admired him, maybe that should be my mantra… “WWBD?”

  • Bleeping Lobster@lemmy.worldOP
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    1
    ·
    1 year ago

    Thanks, that is a very helpful tip. I’ve sort of fallen off the wagon… not out of control with it, but I went out to investigate the two local pubs at my dad’s new place a couple of Saturdays ago, I panicked at the bar and got a pint. Then sat and drank it in a bingo hall full of very, very old people… then went to the bar upstairs and had a couple there.

    I felt like a bit of a failure at first but after thinking about it… this is a process, I’m a human being not a robot, and I’m going to slip up from time to time. The main thing is that I didn’t go full ‘Tasmanian Devil’, and stopped after 3 low-% beers. Will definitely make sure I’ve got something non-alcoholic in my hand in future and mentally prep for ‘bar panic’.

    • Anony Moose@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      1 year ago

      I’m glad it was helpful! Don’t beat yourself up about temporary setbacks. This is a marathon, not a race. “Field trips” are definitely a normal part of the journey.

      What ultimately helped me was to deeply change the way I thought about alcohol at a subconscious level. As long as some part of me felt deprived, I don’t think abstinence would have worked. This was easier said than done, because alcohol had been a deep part of my identity forever. Giving it up felt like losing something core to myself.

      I’m not entirely sure how it worked, but what I did was allow the question of “why do I want to quit?” to marinate in my brain for a while. I lurked r/stopdrinking daily, and was surprised at how many people had stories similar to mine. This helped dispel some of that “there is something uniquely wrong with me” notions. Then I went and read some quit lit - The easy way to control alcohol, Naked Mind, etc. I then wrote down a long document with all the reasons I wanted to quit. At some point, I had this feeling like the different parts of my subconscious were finally onboard. Quitting didn’t feel like a sacrifice, but more of a collective agreement amongst my subconscious selves that alcohol wasn’t really welcome to the party anymore.

      Then I protected my sobriety for the first couple of months. I didn’t go out to any venues that had alcohol, I told my close friends about it, and stocked my apartment with non-alcohol beverage options. I think it takes a few weeks before the old habits really start weakening.

      Sorry for the wall of text, but all the best in your sober journey! IWNDWYT

      • Bleeping Lobster@lemmy.worldOP
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        1 year ago

        Sorry I’m only just replying to your last message. I’ve left it marked ‘unread’ to keep in my messages for a couple of weeks now, so I can keep re-reading it… really good advice and I greatly appreciate it.