I was leaning towards fuckletoes also, never heard dicksplash although it wouldn’t be a surprise, but really any of them would generally be appropriate. You’re supposed to get a little creative from time to time.
My favourite one that not so many people have heard is “that’s rare as rocking horse shit”.
I have a drying rack that doesn’t open wide enough to slot plates in it. I did manage to fit a chopping board in it, just… Then I heard a crash a few minutes later as it had popped out and jumped out the window.
Fortunately there was scaffolding outside, which I could get onto from a window on the other side. Going up and over the roof to fetch the chopping board gave me the chance to check out the new apartments they’re building up there.