Greetings from Finland! I got my vasectomy yesterday at the age of 30. Starting from that age a Finn can get sterilized with just the approval of the doctor that’s going to perform that surgery. That procedure was a huge relief in my life. It may sound weird to some but I rejected all kinds of intimate interest from women (even though I am a hetero male) until this point in life mostly because I always, since childhood, had that nagging fear of procreating which is something I really want to avoid as one could see 😃 Girls must have kind of thought I just don’t really like females or something 🤣 Temporary contraception to prevent pregnancy is too unreliable to me in my personal case; I don’t want a relationship where I would constantly worry about contraception failing. The contraceptive items could break, I couldn’t know for sure if a woman has used her contraceptives; and some female contraceptives would carry too big of a health risk to her (I just cannot tolerate those risks to my prospective lady but want to cherish her).

I’ll just have to wait a few months to hopefully get a negative lab test to show there are no cells to create offspring in that stuff. Then I can finally start looking for a spouse without fear of pulling a trolley around the balcony later on. I have realized lately that a relationship usually just doesn’t work (not all cases of all people are such, however) if one of the partners is a childfree-minded individual and the other is not. So I think the only way to find happiness and longevity with a spouse in my case is to find a partner who is sterilized, too. I just know of too many cases of a person telling to their not-willing-to-reproduce partner that they don’t want kids, either, and after basically building their life together, telling to that partner that maybe a kid would be a good thing after all and then divorcing.

This surgery was one of the best things to happen to me ever. I am really happy with my decision. However, some very conservative religious relatives and other such people around me might give me some nagging and whining if they somehow find out that I got sterilized. I still have my Christian faith like I used to, I just won’t make kids. Marriage is not meant to be a Victorian era “Shut your eyes tight and think of England” kind of thing, anyway 😃

  • UnknownQuantity@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Congratulations. I’m almost 20 years older than you and child free too. No regrets. Seeing what is happening in the world these days, especially climate change, I wonder why people would want to have kids and inflict whatever is coming on them.

    • hungry_freaks_daddy@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      Much better eras to have kids like the old west, medieval times, the dark ages, the Industrial Revolution when children worked at age 5, or even before agriculture was developed and literally every day was a crapshoot as to whether you would survive.

      • CarrierLost@lemmy.one
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        1 year ago

        Interesting take.

        It’s been miserable before, so why not inflict misery on your potential kids?

        • hungry_freaks_daddy@lemm.ee
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          1 year ago

          Why not just end the human race and sterilize everyone? I truly believe in and support peoples right to choose not to have children, but saying the world is a fucked up place is not a good reason. The world was a far more brutal and fucked up place compared to modern times. It’s not even really comparable. News headlines always make it seem like the world is in utter chaos but it really isn’t.

          • CarrierLost@lemmy.one
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            1 year ago

            You haven’t attempted to explain your position, you just doubled down.

            Your position comes across as “Yeah, it’s fucked up, but it’s been worse. Why not crank out some kids?” That’s, to me, an objectively shitty starting point.

  • ren (a they/them)@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Congrats! I got mine about 24 years ago. It was a great decision and a good experience. I love my kids, but knew I was done having more. It’s so nice to not even have to worry about “mistakes” ever again.

    For people considering it, the method I got was absolutely NOT painful or a big deal. The worse part is the awkwardness of having someone mess with your penis when they prep the area (shave and get it ready for the doc). They numb the area, make a tiny incision, and block the tubes from sending mini-yous up and out.

    In the old days, they would just straight up cut the tubes which would be painful, but when I got it done, what they did was only partially cut the tubes to leave some nerves intact then put little titanium clips on the tubes to “keep the drawbridge up” and prevent spermies to passing through. They close ya up and you wear a jockstrap for a few days. Procedure took less than an hour.

    I was nervous it would hurt after and on the way home, I had to pee and I was scared as the pressure was building - but then as I finally peed, I realize it was just the pressure from peeing (dumbass) and I felt great. Went to the company picnic the next day! ha!

    Then a week or 2 later, had to ejaculate in a cup and let them make sure nothing was getting through.

    Easy peasy!

    FYI - orgasms & sex feel and act the same (in fact better without worries of accidental babies), same erections, same cum, same everything, except just shooting blanks.

    • jiml78@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      My comment isn’t to dissuade anyone. I got mine done and if I needed to repeated the procedure once a year with what i experienced I would still do it.

      But I do want to point out that everyone will have different experiences. My vas deferens are/were short so they had a heck of a time getting them into a position where they could cut and put the clips on them. It resulted on what felt like them yanking on them.

      It was uncomfortable to put it mildly. Recovery was super easy.

      I am in my 40s and had all the kids I wanted. I have seem multiple of my friends delay getting one and end up with an oops kid in their 40s. No fucking way would I want to have an infant at that age. It was hard enough when I was 30 years old when my first was born.

      • LoQey@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        I’m 41 years old. I had my first daughter 3 years ago, and kid number 2 is arriving in February. (It took me a while to get my life together enough, that I was ready for kids)

        I fully understand, why you wouldn’t want an infant at that age. 🤣

  • danhasnolife@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Congrats. I am not childfree and love my family – but nothing was a larger or more dramatic shift in my life than having a child. Complete and all-consuming, especially if you want to do it right. If you know that that was not for you, this was probably the best decision you could have made.

    Now get out there and stop turning away attention!

  • Mikina@programming.dev
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    1 year ago

    I’m 27 and will probably be getting it soon. It sounds like it’s not as bad as I though, while also doesn’t affect your sex life in the negative sense later, so that’s good to hear!

    What do you think is the best age to start considering it? I’m pretty deeply set on not having kids and I don’t see anything that would convince me otherwise, and it’s so important to me that it’s one of the first things I mention when starting a relationship. I was always trying to make it clear that I will pay for and handle protection, if something happens I always went to get the pills asap, and always was clearly communicating that if even through all of that a child happens, I’m helping with abortion as much as I can, or if she wants to keep it I’ll keep paying her but she will never see me again. While it does sound harsh, it was important to me to get the point across even at the cost of sounding inconsiderate, so I think that I’m pretty much decided on that matter.

    But I have no idea how do humans and biology works, and I’ve already seen what the brain can do when I overdid something and got a temporary psychosis, even though I’m perfectly normal otherwise - so if there is some kind of biological process that makes you want kids later in life, I guess I may reconsider and then suffer for it - hence the question. Did anyone older experienced such a strong change of opinions later in life, regarding children?

    • PizzasDontWearCapes@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      My experience with the surgery was that I was a bit tender for a week or so, nothing terrible though

      You obviously feel pretty vulnerable during the procedure, but I was chatting with the doctor as he did his work which took 10 minutes maybe

      I drove home afterwards (sitting was uncomfortable) and iced the boys for a while

      The doctor actually offers antianxiety meds to his patients and I saw at least one guy that went with them - his wife was escoriting him while he was all spaced-out

    • nokidding@lemmy.worldOP
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      1 year ago

      WARNING: contains mental health topics In my case, there were, to put it mildly, rough times in my teenage years regarding my mental wellbeing, so your last paragraph sounds to a quite high extent relatable, actually. The human brain is especially interesting when one has experienced it do weird stuff. But I find that rising like a Phoenix bird from that mental torment (I am so glad the rising happened) has actually been a thing that made me a better thinker than I would have been without all that happening. Mental anguish in the form of anxiety and feeling low about myself and life persisted for quite a long time but in the last few years my wellbeing finally improved a lot and those feelings have mostly subsided. To the point, I have during my years on this earth so far concentrated so much on metathinking about the mind and other mind-related self-improvement that I nowadays have a perhaps exceptionally high awareness of thoughts and feelings happening in me and lots of self mind control capacity, leading to the conclusion that in my opinion, if you have felt for a very long time that you definitely don’t want kids, in my experience that may very well be a thing that is there to persist. One thing I would recommend to consider when thinking about the choice on whether to have a permanent birth control is whether having kids was something you were strongly wishing in your teenage years or adulthood. For me, there was almost all the time no will to ever have children, except for some rather short periods I was kind of thinking about it but those were really strictly exceptions in the whole timescale. Also, which would be more horrible to you: having a child when you don’t want one or being unable to have one when you cannot, no matter how much you want to have one? It might also be a decent idea to estimate the odds of those feelings happening, were you to choose the applicable option in the sterilization choice. I myself in my case have no fear of ever having the regrets of my no offspring decision. And even if that sadness somehow happened, one thing to think of to help to ease that emotion is the meaning of the saying “the grass is always greener on the other side”. One cannot both have kids and not have kids. The choice of no kids grew even stronger in the last decade of my life and was super strong for several years before I did the vasectomy. I never was a person that really liked to be around kids, even as a five year old I usually preferred and picked the option of listening to adults talk stuff and somewhat partake in the discussion myself when my family was visiting friends and relatives rather than play with other kids, though that too happened. The adults just were even back then intellectually more in sync with me than the other kids. There is in my opinion no set-in-stone best age to start considering the operation. I myself maybe half a decade ago read about that operation on the internet and it resonated with me (I knew of vasectomy as a phenomenon much earlier, but only at that later time I started to strongly think about it and pretty quickly I knew it was the thing that I was just going to do (which did become true months after I got old enough to get the procedure easily here in Finland). Sterilization is one of those things I cannot recommend lightly, as in, without thinking very well through that thing and one’s feelings about that, a sterilization can very easily cause lots of regrets. Sterilization is like crossing a no return line in the floor of life. If you want to still be able to walk back to that safe zone of child creation ability, sterilization may not be for you at the time being. The thing, however, is that life is always an uncertain adventure. For some people these kinds of choices are easy and for some they are not. For me the choice was pretty easy but I did make sure to think through it thoroughly enough to not fear that there would be a wish in me to reproduce. Hopefully this gives some food for thought. Take care and remember that it’s your decision. Sometimes in life it is good to think about things some more. Sometimes, it however is time to just go for it. Take care.

      Disclaimer (because I don’t want this post taken down): THIS IS NOT A CONTRACT. THIS IS NOT AN AGREEMENT. This is not medical advice. I am not a medical care professional. I am not a lawyer. Contact a licensed professional at your own cost and at your own risk in cases you need medical or any other kind of advice. The above text is based on my personal life experience and should be taken with a grain of salt (unless your doctor has ordered you to limit your sodium consumption). The above text is not a recommendation to undergo any form of therapy, treatment or any procedure whatsoever. I accept no responsibility for any financial, social or the Big Baby industry related damages or any other forms of damages or injuries arising from reading the above text or arising from being influenced by the above text. I accept no responsibility whatsoever. The use of the information contained in the above text is at your own risk. In case of a legal conservatorship or guardianship, the use of the information contained in the above text is also subject to a written approval from the appropriate entity. The correctness of the above text is in no way guaranteed. The above text is provided for entertainment purposes only. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED (excluding those that have been transferred or forfeited by a written contract signed by me).

    • state_electrician@discuss.tchncs.de
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      1 year ago

      I had mine just two weeks ago (after three kids) and the most painful part was getting the anesthetic shot. From leaving the waiting room to walking out it took 40 minutes and I had zero pain. It’s healing very nicely and everything still works. And you have to masturbate a lot on doctor’s orders to “clear the pipes” as my doctor put it.

    • ren (a they/them)@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      If you get one through modern techniques (aka where they don’t just cut the tubes completely) it is not painful. Just some dull ache for a few days.

    • GregoryTheGreat@programming.dev
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      1 year ago

      My body processes anesthetics very quickly so I had the shots and about halfway through the feeling came back. The doc said “well…the shots hurt about as bad as the procedure so it’s up to you”. So I can say even without much numbing it is something you can handle. Gives me the chills to think about though.

    • franglais@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      I have 3 kids already, and I knew it was time to be proactive in my approach to contraception, I agree with op on his reasons. When they pull the tubes out from the scrotum, that pulls on the tubes further up and there is a sharp shooting pain that rises up into the abdomen, apart from that, the week after is tender, and to avoid further pain, the area should be disinfected regularly until the scab heals.

  • fraydabson@sopuli.xyz
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    1 year ago

    Always enjoy reading stories like this. At 31 I am considering one but get too worried about the rare cases when it goes wrong.

    • jiml78@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      You can’t worry about everything that can go wrong. When you hit your 40s, you will need to get a colonoscopy. Those can go wrong to but you still get it done.

      Go get it done if you don’t want kids.

  • OrkneyKomodo@lemmy.sdf.org
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    1 year ago

    Congrats! Got mine around the same age. Make a note of the date & do something nice each year for the anniversary. I celebrate V-day every year in September.

  • mawkishdave@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I don’t understand why someone thinks they have any say over my nuts. Hope you have a few bags of frozen peas.