I, just wanna stop feeling anything. Never had friends but I could live with that, but I just want someone to embrace, someone that feels something for me, even if doesn’t last. Better than 0 for the rest of my life. This situation is slowly killing me.
The only thing that gives me some relief is gaming… (I read the post of like a week ago here that several dudes met their partner thanks to a videogame and I felt even sadder, why that wasn’t me? I’ve been gaming for 30 years now).
Hobby groups. Be it hiking, book clubs, dog activities, wood carving, painting, electronics, photography, amateur radio, stargazing, coffee tasting… Anything really. As long as it gets you out of the house regularly.
Have a look around meetup.com and see what your city has to offer. Join a few different ones, don’t just give up because you didn’t like the first one.
And also don’t be the one who introduces themselves as someone who came because you’re lonely. That gives of a desperate vibe that can set people on edge.
I agree. If you’re not looking for hobbies (plural) that are fun just for the sake of fun (not meeting people) - then you’re short changing yourself in many levels. When you’re passionate about a hobby, it’s almost impossible not to make friends. When you make friends, you’ll meet their friends, and with all those people - your chances of finding something more than friends increases.
Video games can be very social IRL, but it’s not the norm in my experience. Some suggestions: Go to a gun range, archery range, axe throwing, anything target based and show up for a public shooting day. Those people (myself included) LOVE people who are new to the sport and they’ll let you use all their equipment and show you how to do it. Pick up a pool cue and start practicing by yourself at a pool hall. You’ll become a regular and again people love to show you the ropes with that sport. Join a fishing club - it’s not just old men who do that (although there’s plenty of them) but before you know it you’re going on other people’s boats and whatnot. Mountain biking - requires more cash to get going as you need a bike - but those people are animals and are always looking for people to go on a ride with. Get involved with your local library and book clubs if you like to read. Again more expensive- but golf. Lots of people who love to golf - if you go alone, you’ll usually get paired up with and find others to golf with. You get the idea, pick up an instrument, rc cars or planes, habitat for humanity - there are endless things to do and you’ll soon be looking forward to your alone time ;)
I’m not passionate about anything unfortunately. I only like videogames. Anything gun related is basically illegal or complicated here and you need lots of money also a person like me shouldn’t be close to guns. And I live in the middle of nowhere, to do high school, the teens need to go to another city, just think about that.
Ya I mean it’s hard to meet people if they aren’t around. I don’t know what “the middle of nowhere means”. Some people really do live where there just aren’t people around. But lots of people use that phrase when places of gathering are half an hour or maybe an hour away. I’d suggest it’s still worth the drive if you can figure that out.
I was suggesting targeting type things, not necessarily just guns - because they tend to have low barriers of entry. Pool, bowling, archery, darts, etc. They also tend to have social components as well (happens in a bar for example, or there’s a club house/place where people meet). Leads to other things. Sports are also great - even if you’re not athletic and bad at sports. Especially the “weird” sports - you may find something non traditional that you’re good at, and usually people are super happy just to have anyone who wants to participate.
Just things to think about - that’s all. Find out what people near you do. There’s gotta be something. Then go try it even if it doesn’t sound like your thing. You may like it, you may not. Keep doing that and sooner or later you will find something to be passionate about.
Meeting people - romantic or otherwise - is a result of you engaging with people and enjoying the thing/hobby/whatever you’re doing together. People who share common things gravitate toward each other personally. That’s just the way it works - embrace it my friend! Go have some fun! ;)
I wish that’s how would work to me… Trust me, is not. And again I really don’t care about others people’s hobbies most of the time, I don’t expect a person doing the same, if only I could be with someone without being “forced” to become someone else.
And I can’t go to have some fun when nothing gives me fun.
Getting involved with group activities is always the best answer. Hobby groups is a fantastic suggestion. Don’t overlook volunteering, too. And like Viking says, don’t be clingy. Relax and focus on the activity first, and let the social stuff happen naturally.
Meet up isn’t a thing here. I live in the middle of nowhere.
How about some facebook groups, Craigslist or whatnot?
Same thing. And Facebook is used mostly by old adults. And I don’t use Facebook anyways, I hate that place and hate being bombarded with photos of generic attractive girls I don’t know
Then I guess your options would be to look for events in the next bigger city, or consider moving.
Middle of nowhere and fighting loneliness don’t exactly go well together.
I literally can’t move, live with my mother and currently I don’t have a job and can’t drive a car (not like we have one anyways)
Friends also help with loneliness.
Don’t skip friends. Romantic relationships are friendships+ with the difficulty level dialed up by x10. If someone can’t build and keep friends, a romantic relationship is likely to be bad and will fix nothing.
If you literally just want a hug and don’t currently have someone in your life to do that with, paying is an option. Friends can also give hugs.
Get urself a dog. Walk it every day. Threat the dog right and it will be the most loyal companion. Said dog will help you meet other people.
Yes, this, except TREAT instead of threat. You won’t feel alone with your best little friend
And do yourself a favor and get a session or two with a dog trainer. They can teach you magical things about dog psyche. And your dog will love you even more if you provide it a good, structured life.
I’ve been in trouble in dog situations. Also the family already has a dog.
So you’re already at step one, treat and train it well and it’ll be loyal like you’ve never seen before. Take it to dog parks and long walks, best wingman you’ll ever have.
My local library has a tech mentors program where you teach people how to work computers. I do it once every two weeks. It makes me feel like a rock star every time I go. If you’re on Lemmy, you’re qualified.
Changed everything for me!
Also looks good on a resume.
I will tell you that at least initially you shouldn’t be looking for a partner/SO. Just try finding someone (online or real life) regardless of gender to do some activity that you both enjoy together. Don’t be a weirdo, creepy, edgy, simp, nice guy, that will help ya, but also look on how to have conversations, have some good sense of humour, and be an emotionally aware and empathetic person. Ask for and set expectations/boundaries. And try to enjoy what you’re both doing. And remember, love is not enough.
Why did you post this? It seems like, given your responses here, that you largely don’t want to change anything about yourself or your situation.
Getting outside can help- a walk, dog park, outdoor cafe, …
Having a dog helped me really get to know lots of people in the area when I moved home to somewhere totally new to me. Having a really friendly and safe dog breed makes you immediately so much more approachable, an ice breaker conversation (the dog), and a regular opportunity to meet the same people out and about.
If you’re in a situation where a dog is a good choice, I’d really recommend it.
I would add that demonstrating that you know how to love and care for another being also makes you feel safer and more approachable to someone weary of strange men. It’s a great way to put a potential victim at ease.
The family already has a dog
How do you feel about the dog? Would you be willing to take him/her for a short walk each day? Having someone/something that depends on you can be huge. When my son was struggling he got a cat. It gave him a reasom to go home each night. Sometimes you’ll do for someone else what you won’t do for yourself.
No, not really. I was against having it.
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Employment - you currently have 0 social encumbrance. It’s a good time to job hop and move around, you meet a lot of people and learn a lot of social cues. Also better job gives more money for gaming.
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Stop looking; the dating world post 30 is absolutely horrific, and it will destroy your mental health. The people in there are not all that bad, but the online dating scene brings out the worst in everyone. Time to explore the wilds and visit local cafes (worst comes to worst, you get good tea/coffee).
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The type of people you meet varies with the type of game you play. If it has “more tits than a birdwatcher’s photobook”, you’re not going to meet many women. If it’s a wholesome online farming sim that ratio changes, but it’s still rough as a guy. Games are great for meeting people, but not for meeting lovers.
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At the end of the day, when the loneliness bites hard, don’t be afraid to call a hotline for help.
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Ok, ready for the big one? Stop looking for a partner and start looking for friends - the kind of people you can sit in a cafe with, or complain about work with. Guys, girls or those in between; doesn’t matter. The thing that helped me most was making a few good friends who I still travel over a hundred miles to meet monthly, and who I game with weekly online.
Edit - pressed submit early
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go to a retirement home and chat up some folks. they secretly know tons of people.
or go volunteer somewhere vaguely interesting. tell people you’re shy but like warm hugs.
I don’t really know.
I’ve made some bad experiences in school when the general narrative was “men are all bad people” so I distanced myself from anyone. But that’s a stupid way of society.
Men are not all bad people. You need to look at the person individually. Go out and have some self-confidence. Ask yourself: how would you see yourself? What if you encountered yourself, how would you react? I think answering these questions helps you to find a path in life that works better for you.
Hope that I could help you.
I would fuck myself honestly. I don’t care about hobbies or being “interesting”. Why not the rest can be like that?
honestly, from what i’ve heard, lots of gay men seem to think like that.
Oh FFS don’t call be gay just for saying that, I’m not fucking gay. I’m saying that if I were a girl I would have sex with me, ME. Only because, yeah I’m a loser, but I’m not a bad person and I don’t care about someone’s hobbies. If I could pick a girl using a magic spell the last thing I would care is if she’s “interesting” or “quirky”. For me if she’s isn’t social that’s a plus.
I don’t care about someone’s hobbies.
If you care about someone, you pay attention and show interest anyway. I don’t give two shits about Taylor Swift, but I know SO much about it because my wife loves it, and I play along.
Isn’t that lying? You just said it, you don’t give a shit. I’m being 100 percent honest with this “imaginary other person”… But I guess people don’t care about honesty these days. I guess asking someone loving and me loving her back just for “us” without the need of being interesting is impossible.
I feel you. I’m not living in the middle of nowhere, but I often feel lonely, and at the same time that I couldn’t spend enough time with a partner. That I have my hobbies, things I want to do, basically all of them at a desk. I don’t want to give these things up, and I don’t see how anyone would be fine with this, why anyone would want to live with me. And it just sounds so weird to only have a “sex partner”, that does not sound right, to me at least, but also why would anyone go into that with me?
You sound depressed. It’s a dark place, like a deep sinkhole, that you might not be able to climb out of by yourself. Seek help. You can get antidepressants that will lift some of the weight and sadness. With them, you’ll be able to take a breath, go outside and socialize. You’ll find the energy to actually meet people. It’s always better to start with friends (including women), a romantic relationship can come later. Once you’re able to get into a healthy routine, you might be able to get off the meds.
That’s not a possibility to me.
Why not?
Perhaps lack of money in combination with being born in the wrong country? I’m sorry if that’s the case.
I would suggest joining a local group that interests you. Try something new, like dancing or learning a new language. We are the product of our habits. So if you dont change your habits then your course for the future remains the same.
There are many hackerspaces, language exchanges , gyms , theathre groups etc . you just need to put yourself out there. Be your authentic self and look to form friendships before any romantic interests.
You can do it ❤️
This guy shows up weekly. His accounts keep getting banned. He posts things like this, and then tells everyone trying to offer real advice that it all doesn’t work for him. It’s attention seeking and he doesn’t actually want help. This is basically a troll post.
People have met their partner in a video game? I don’t know dude… Don’t count on that chance of happening.
Anyway, stop focusing on not trying to be lonely. It will only make you more lonely.
Yeah, maybe they were lying or something, but it still bummed me out. It was a post here from last week
alcoholism and gaming
For like 90% of lonely adults, I think the answer is alcoholism + hobby. “Check with your doctor to see if alcoholism is right for you.”
I think if alcoholism was prescribed by a doctor that it should move us to the top of the liver transplant list
Already doing that
